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Saturday, September 7, 2013

NSA Still Unable to Decipher Martin's "Handwriting"

Despite impressive and somewhat anxiety-provoking strides in cracking computer encryption software and various other code and cipher-systems, the NSA confesses itself "stumped" when it comes to interpreting enigmatic scribbles of Brookhaven, Georgia resident, Man Martin.

"Just look at this sample," cryptologist Terry LeFleur said, "I mean what is it?  It could be a grocery list or instructions for a nuclear bomb.  We really have no idea.  In any case, it's clear he's deranged."  LeFleur was put on the Martin case after successfully cracking the "Pig Latin" code used by some middle-schoolers for secret conversations.  "It turns out it's not Latin at all," LeFleur explains.  "You just transpose the first letter to the end, and add A. Y.  But figuring that out was a piece of cake compared to this Man Martin business.  It's just gibberish."

Alternative surveillance plans to monitor Martin's conversations on his cellphone have been foiled because Martin keeps losing it or forgetting to charge the battery.

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