I Heart Indies

Thursday, August 1, 2013

You Can't Beat Home-Grown Vegetables

Al Capp's classic comic strip, Li'l Abner, had something called "the Dogpatch Ham."  Huge, nourishing, and seemingly alive, the Dogpatch Ham had nourished Yokum family for generations and would do so for generations to come.  No matter how much you sliced from it, there was still more left over, and in fact, the total quantity of ham never seemed to diminish.

I believe I am in possession of the exact same thing, only with a zucchini squash.  Earlier this summer, Nancy and I found an overlooked zucchini nestled among the leaves.  I will not say it was so deep as a well nor so wide as a church door, but 'twould do, 'twould do.  We didn't eat the whole thing all at once, of course, it would have required a battalion of squash-eating soldiers; nevertheless, we sliced up some that very night and cooked it - you can't beat home-grown vegetables - and the rest we put in the refrigerator.

The squash remained in the refrigerator, still perfectly edible, and we've had it from time to time - sauteed, baked, even grilled.   As I say, you can't beat home-grown vegetables.  The thing is, no matter how much we eat, the squash never seems to get any smaller.  I believe we may have grown an infinite squash that will feed us for the rest of our lives.  What a wonderful, wonderful blessing.

In fact, I'm not altogether sure that squash isn't getting larger.  After my tasty squash omelet this morning, served up with squash fritters and grits, I could have sworn the thing had grown a couple of centimeters.  Is it possible that a squash, separated from its vine and placed in a refrigerator crisper drawer could continue to live and grow?  Could it have become an independent organism?  Could it have developed intelligence?  Could it hear what I say?  Could it be sneaking out at night to read this blog?

Ha ha!  Just kidding!  I think!

The thing is, I swear it's getting bigger, and it won't spoil, and we picked it in June.  Keep in mind zucchini squash have been specifically bred as foodstuffs - that's their whole reason for being - it's what they want to do.  Like the big-headed aliens on The Twilight Zone, their motto is, "To serve mankind."  What if this one has somehow developed an autonomous will and is determined to feed us, forever, and ever, and ever?
What if it's true, that you just can't beat home-grown vegetables, no matter how hard you try, you just can't beat them?  Dear Lord, what if it's true?

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