Sunday, August 11, 2013
Do You Intend to Sit There All Day: FAQ
The pursuit of my vocation, Creative Genius, requires a certain amount of sedentary time the layperson might mistake for "inactivity." This dormant period allows time for the mental processes to operate and inspirational juices to flow. Be assured, even when you don't see me actually "working," even if I seem to be playing "minesweeper" or even snoozing, the old cerebrum is busily mining the unconscious for new material. But no, I will not be here all day, at most twelve to eighteen hours.
2. What are you going to do about that mess?
Please define the words "do" and "mess."
3. I'm talking about the coffee spills and the popcorn crumbs you've spilled between the cushions, not to mention the raisins.
Studies have shown that coffee increases blood flow to the brain, thereby stimulating creative thought. Moreover, coffee-drinkers have more active sex-lives than non-coffee drinkers, a matter I intended to discuss with you later. Inevitably, in the coffee-drinking process a certain amount is regrettably spilled. The spillage, however, is relatively minimal, and I am drinking most of it, if that's your concern. As for the popcorn, I believe that was left over from my work period yesterday afternoon. Popcorn is a tasty low-calorie snack, and while it may have no direct benefits, creativity-wise, I like eating it. Regarding the raisins, you said not to mention those. I believe this is a wise policy.
4. Is there anything I can do to help you, Oh Great Creative One?
Now that you mention it, there is. About noontime, I would like a sandwich. Turkey with lettuce tomato and mayonnaise would be perfectly satisfactory. I believe we have some sliced turkey and even some tomato in the refrigerator, but I'm pretty sure we're out of bread. Don't worry, though, you have plenty of time to pop over to the store and get some before lunch. Also, some chips would be nice. And we're out of raisins. And you'd needn't address me as Oh Great Creative One. There is nothing special about me, I am merely an ordinary mortal who happens to be a conduit for a brilliant fiery muse. You can call me honey or darling as you always have.