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Monday, July 22, 2013

Giving Blood

The Red Cross called Saturday and said, "We need blood.  Get your veins in here and drop us a pint ASAP!"  They didn't put it that way, but that's what they meant.  I've been donating blood fairly regularly since I was, I think, seventeen; I'm fifty-four now, so that's been... thirty-seven years.  The foolish thing I did was the appointment time - 7:15 AM.  I don't know what I was thinking.  Actually, I do know what I was thinking.  I was thinking I'd like to get it over with early and have the rest of the day to myself.  What I wasn't thinking was seven-freaking-fifteen AM in the morning.  That's what I'm thinking now.

Before you give blood, they ask you a lot of questions to which, being who I am, there's always an urge to give inappropriate answers.  Like they ask, "Have you been given money or drugs for sex since 1976?"  I have to fight the impulse to look thoughtful and say, "Hmm.  No.  Not since 1976."  I never say this however, for the same reason I never tell the airport people, "Why yes, now that you mention it, I have let a stranger repack my bags for me."  The reason I don't say these things is I am a coward.

This time, as a matter of fact, I'm not donating whole blood but platelets.  The Red Cross likes platelets whenever they can get them.  A single platelet donation can be the equivalent of 12 to 18 whole blood donations.  The deal is, they take blood from one arm, spin it in a machine until the blood cells get dizzy and fall down, then mix whatever's left with contact lens solution, and stick it back in the other arm.

I'm trying to think of a way to wrap up this blog, because I want to work on something else before I go in for my seven-freaking-fifteen AM appointment, but I can't think of anything so I looked up blood cells jokes on the internet.  This was written by someone named zzz1090.

Two blood cells are under a humans' skin.
Blood Cell 1: Wow, it's hot in here!
Blood Cell 2: Oh, my God!  A talking blood cell!

Don't blame me, I didn't write it, I just stole it.  I think it would've been funnier if one of the blood cells had been named Murray.

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