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Sunday, June 2, 2013

What? No Mermaids?

Fans of Animal Planet are outraged over a documentary, "Mermaids: The Body Found."  Other documentaries - such as "Finding Bigfoot," "Dragons Made Real," and "Exactly How Stupid Are You?" offered compelling high-quality scientific research, but with Mermaids, the network crossed a line, irritating 3.6 million viewers who demand high-quality proof that the lady on the Starkist can was drawn from a live model.

What has happened to the high journalistic standards that brought us, "Pet Psychic"? viewers want to know.  Americans, 44% of whom believe that the universe and all living things were created over a period of six days, have always had an unquenchable scientific thirst, particularly when it comes to Great White Sharks and creatures that have tail-fins and boobies.

One scholar, who calls herself Jenna Marbles and posed in her tweet picture with what appears to be either a Jack Russel or a chihuahua, points out that, "90% of the ocean is undiscovered, and you're telling me mermaids dont exist."  What do you say to that, Mr Smartypants "biologist."  When you think of it in that light, you can see she has a point: in addition, to the Atlantic, Pacific, Indian, Arctic, and Antarctic, if there are up to 45 additional undiscovered oceans, that's room enough for mermaids, merdogs, mercats, as well as squirrels outfitted with deep-sea diving gear like that squirrel on Sponge Bob.

So take that, science.

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