|The Ministry of Antiquities Claims This Sort of Thing|
Almost Never Happens in Real Life
"Moreover," the Ministry adds, "there is almost no risk whatsoever that reading aloud hieroglyphics from the tomb walls will invoke an ancient curse, reanimating a mummy to defend his burial grounds from 'unbelievers,' or that the aforementioned mummy will rise from his sarcophagus in relentless, if slow and half-limping, pursuit of its hapless victim, unfazed by volleys of bullets, until inevitably a beautiful blond will twist her high-heeled ankle and be carried off by the unholy one to its underground crypt to be its bride in eternal death. Almost all our mummies were stolen by the British years ago, and only a few of those were capable of being reanimated by long-forgotten spells."
And as for the fear of some tourists that they will uncover the long-lost Ark of the Covenant in which Moses stored the sacred tablets given him on Mount Sinai by Jehovah, from which angels will suddenly stream at first beautiful to behold and then suddenly so gruesome that your eyes will pop out and face will melt from sheer horror, the Ministry points out that, "That sort of thing almost never happens in real life, and even then mostly to Nazis who probably had it coming."