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Thursday, May 16, 2013

Ryan Fogle, Master Spy

"Is nothing to be concerned about.  Just ordinary citizen in blond
wig checking map and compass."
MOSCOW -- A U.S. diplomat, Ryan Fogle, was ordered Tuesday to leave the country after the Kremlin's security services said he tried to recruit a Russian agent, and they displayed tradecraft tools that seemed straight from a cheap spy thriller: wigs, packets of cash, a knife, map and compass, and a letter promising millions for "long-term cooperation." - Huffington Post

6 AM, Moscow.  The city that never sleeps.  Ryan Fogle, Master Spy, stands in front of the polished ebony desk of the man known only as "Z," although his real name is Eustice Crabapple.
"Alright, Hobart' (For security purposes, Z is calling Fogle, Hobart). "this is the equipment you'll need for this mission.  A map of the city and a compass.  Even though you've been here for the last four years, we can't afford you getting lost on a day like this.  Periodically, stop at street corners, take out your map and check your compass.  This will appear completely normal.  Now examine this knife.  It may seem to be a completely ordinary knife.  Because that's what it is.  A perfectly ordinary knife.  Put it in your pocket."

Fogle, whom we'll call Yardley to protect his identity, said, "But, why..."

"My name is Z," Z corrected.

"I wasn't saying the letter Y," Fogle, oh, wait I forgot we were calling him Yardley, said, "I was asking why, as in, why not give me a nicer knife.  Like I've seen one where one blade was a bottle opener, one was scissors, one was even a toothpick."

"Don't get fancy," Z growled.  "You start getting fancy, you start getting careless.  You start getting careless, you start getting killed.  You start getting killed..."  Z trailed off, letting Yardley, remember that's really Fogle, finish the rest.

"Can't I have a gun?"

"Don't get fancy," Z repeated.  "And here's our official offer typed on CIA stationary, so he won't suspect you're playing him for a chump.  Notice we don't specify exactly how many millions we're offering.  I'm sorry we can't be more specific, but, you know.  The sequester.  In these envelopes are wads of cash as a down-payment.  And don't go into Starbucks and get a latte or anything, that money's all receipted.  Oh, yeah, and one other thing."

"What's that?"

"In a mission as sensitive as this one, you'll need to be incognito.  Put on this blond wig."

"How's that?"

"Perfect.  You got everything?"

"Compass, check.  Map, check.  Ordinary knife, nothing fancy, check.  Letter offering millions for cooperation, check.  Envelope of cash, check.  Blond wig, check.  I'm ready, sir."

"Splendid.  I cannot imagine what could possibly go wrong."

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