I Heart Indies

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Amnesty International Decries New Zealand Ban on Baby Names

New Zealand... has banned the most outlandish baby names, CNN reports. So those looking to name their child "Lucifer," "Majesty" or "4Real" will just have to find other options.  Other banned names include: Christ, Mafia No Fear, H-Q, Rogue, Eminence.  - Sara Gates, Huffington Post
Frank McClellen, George Beatty, Ray Thurmond, Clarisse Chilsom
Dora Phelps, Tony Bowles, His Highness Pterodactyl Wallander Higgins, Molly Weaver, Polly Weaver
Sara Teasedale, Brad Dorsey, Tiffany Stewart, Doug Burdette, Victoria Price, Louis Merriwether

"The right to name a child is the most sacrosanct of parental duties," claims AI spokesperson, Eugene Thornwakker Oh Baby What You Do To Me Smith, in a public announcement decrying New Zealand's ban on unusual baby names.  "A society that takes this away, is a sick, sick society.  No government has the right to tell its citizens they can't name a child 'Monkey Face,' or 'Pop Tart,' or 'You Ruined My Figure You Little Bastard,' or even 'Percy' if they want to."

New Zealand mother-to-be, Googly-Eyed Bobble-Head Jones, brought the law to the attention of the human rights organization, asking their support to name her daughter, Googly-Eyed Bobble-Head.  "It's a family tradition," Ms Jones claims.  "All the women in our family are named Googly-Eyed Bobble-Head."

"The whole thing is completely unjust," says Ms Jones' attorney, Yo Mamma Marduke III.  "For God's sake, the places here are named things like 'Taumata­whakatangihanga­koauau­o­tamatea­turipukakapiki­maunga­horo­nuku­pokai­whenua­kitanatahu' and 'Blackball,' and they want to tell us we can't name our kid 'Jedi Master,' if we want to?  Give me a break."

To bring international attention to the New Zealand Law, an all-celebrity concert is planned for later this year, featuring Kyd Duchovny, Sage Moonblood Stallone, Prince Michael II and Blanket Jackson, Moon Unit and Diva Thin Muffin Zappa, Moxie Crimefighter Jillette, Tu Morrow, Jermajesty Jackson, and Bronx Mowgli.

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