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Monday, April 15, 2013

Yes, Brain Games Do So Work Too!

Dear Customers and Potential Customers:

We here at NeuroBlast! Inc. have noticed a lot of so-called "research" floating around claiming brain games don't really have any effect on intelligence or working memory.  Some "scientists" at Georgia Tech, which is basically just a glorified vocational school, claimed that games designed to improve cognitive performance showed no effect on their subjects except in the "narrow set of skills" taught by the games.

For example, for four hours each day over a five-day period, one hundred test subjects played Kookoo-Kitty-Klash (a fun and mentally-stimulating game, in which you have to remember the numbers and colors of adorable playful kittens in each apartment of a thirty-story high-rise).  At the end of the training period none of the participants showed noticeable improvement remembering where they had parked the car.  Two of them could not even remember if they'd driven a car, and one was heard mumbling quietly to himself, "Kittens, kittens, kittens, must kill kittens."

But what even the haters at Georgia Tech can't deny is the massive gains these test subjects made in remembering kittens.  Ninety-nine percent of them increased their KRQ (Kitten Recall Quotient) by 20 points or more.  (As far as the other one percent, he just spent his time staring angrily at the screen and muttering.  Some people just can't be helped.)

Besides which, Kookoo-Kitty-Klash is only one of the many challenging and neuron-stretching games we at NeuroBlast! Inc. offer.  For a mere twenty dollars a month, you can also play Whackawaiter.  Similar to the classic Whackamole, waiters randomly pop up beside your table holding bills to which you must add a tip of twenty to twenty-five percent.  And for fifteen dollars more, you move up to "premium" where you can play Sodoku-Smarter-than-a-Rocket-Scientist Maze, which has received customer raves such as "frustrating and pointless" and "why am I wasting my time on this?"

When you get right down to it, "research," "double-blind studies," and "facts" are all a bunch of hooey.  (Something you can learn playing Hot-Diggity-Diameter for a mere $12.50 extra a month.)  The real question is not what some know-it-alls at Georgia Tech claim, but how do NeuroBlast Inc.'s customers feel?  At the end of a twelve-month $2500 training course, customers report they'd be "a lot smarter next time" or that Neuroblast Inc. "certainly taught me a lesson."

Results speak for themselves.

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