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Wednesday, April 3, 2013

God Explains Ban on Miracles


On Monday's episode of the Christian Broadcasting Network's "700 Club," a viewer wrote in and asked why miracles -- "like people being raised from the dead, blind eyes opened, lame people walking" -- often happen overseas and not in the United States, RawStory notes. Robertson was quick to respond that the teaching of evolution in America might be partly to blame. "Those people overseas didn't go to Ivy League schools," he said. "We're so sophisticated. We think we've got everything figured out. We know about evolution, we know about Darwin, we know about all these things that says God isn’t real. We know about all this stuff."  Cavan Sieczkowski,  Huffington Post
My buddy Pat got it exactly right; the reason you Americans don't get more miracles is you've gotten too darn sophisticated for your own good.  An angel shows up in Peru, and everyone says "It's a miracle, a sign from God!"  Send that same angel to Massachusetts, and people say, "I bet that angel descended from an angel monkey billions of years ago."  Spoils the whole thing.
And when I do a miracle, you guys just make fun of it.  Remember that tree back in New York that looked like the Virgin Mary?  Authentic miracle and you guys just made a joke of it.  Oh sure, lots of people showed up to take a look, but mostly everyone just laughed.  "I got a potato that looks like St Augustine!"  "I got a chicken that looks like St Claire!"  "I got a cucumber that looks like St Jerome!"  Well, real funny, yeah.  You try pulling a miracle and then have everyone make fun.  See how you like it.
The truth is, I save the really good miracles for people who don't know any better.  Remember the Red Sea?  Pretty flashy, right?  Part of the secret was those Israelites were dee-you-em dumb.  I don't blame them, Egyptian public schools in those days were a joke, but they were stupid!  You'd have to be to get lost in the dessert for forty years.  I mean, I know there wasn't GPS, but forty years?!
And as far as Jesus goes...  Well, I don't want to talk bad about the disciples, but you'll notice he didn't exactly put any brain surgeons or rocket scientists on his team.  Mostly fishermen, right?  You don't need a GED to catch fish, and they weren't even good at that.  Go back and read the Gospels, it's all in there.  And as far as all those people he cured, well, the Roman public schools weren't much better than the Egyptian ones, I can tell you.  They were using Roman Numerals for Pete's sake!  You ever try learning long division with Roman numerals?
And between you and me, some of those miracles weren't miracle-miracles, if you catch my drift.  I mean, they were miracles, all right, but not quite as impressive as people let on.  For example, some of those blind people he cured weren't exactly blind, just extremely visually impaired.  I mean, legally they were blind, but they could see a little bit, so Jesus had a head start.  And that whole feeding the multitude business, what they don't tell you is Jesus told the disciples to slice the bread real thin and thrown in a whole bunch of Fish-Helper.
But the main thing is He didn't waste his best miracles on the sharpest crayons in the box.  Take the lepers.  Ever wonder why he cured so many lepers?  Well, if you were really bright, you wouldn't be a leper in the first place.  You'd be asthmatic or something.
Anyway, if you want to know why you haven't seen more miracles lately, that's the reason.  I'm not saying you have to be an idiot if you want a miracle.  But it helps.

1 comment:

  1. I wish they would not teach Roman Numerals in the lower grades. I can't think of anything that confused me more while trying to pass Algebra. I always thought X equaled 10. I answered every problem wrong and nobody ever explained "y".

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