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Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Why I'm Not Worried About the Sequester

If you want to know what question I'm asked most frequently, it's "What question are you asked most frequently?"  And the answer is, "Can I ask you a question?"  We're they're not asking about that, they're usually asking about the sequester and the whole doesn't-this-portent-the-end-of-our-once-great nation? kind of thing.

And I answer this question with one of my own, "What are you talking about?"

Somehow in the midst of reading all the important news on the internet - how Kate Upton really felt about wearing a bikini to the Antarctic, and how there's a dog in Oregon who feels really guilty about eating the cat treats - I overlooked the item about the sequester, about how the whole US government shut down leaving the Chinese free to take over the country, if they want it.

Basically, though, if you've lived through the end of the world as often as I have, you learn not to be too concerned.  The so-called Mayan Apocalypse was just the most recent one.  Before that, there was Y2K, which turned out to be an utter nonevent.  Even then, I was so jaded about ends of the world and so forth, I barely paid it any mind.  Before that, there was some sort of Japanese cult who predicted the world was ending on a certain date, and God was sending flying saucers to pick up the faithful; the only trick was the faithful all had to be dead first, so everyone in the cult met on a hillside and drank cyanide.  And then, wouldn't you know it, the flying saucers never showed up.  I bet they feel like a bunch of chumps.  Oh wait, they're dead.  In between those events were threatened asteroid strikes, Legionnaire epidemics, and sequesters.

Does anybody remember those bumper stickers that said, "In case of Rapture, this car will be unoccupied"? When's the last time you saw one of those?  Right.  That pretty much proves the Rapture has already occurred.  All the Righteous people have already left the planet, and we're what's left.  You didn't even notice they were missing, did you?  And why should you - all the important stuff - government, business, entertainment - is firmly in the hands of the reprobates, so we can rock right along without the Righteous people and not even notice they're gone, which is why I don't worry about the end of the world.

It's already happened.

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