I Heart Indies

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Wedding Bells, Wedding Bills



The average wedding costs $29,000 which is pretty shocking when you think how few girls ever grew up saying, "I hope one day I'll meet Mr Right, we'll fall madly in love, and have an average wedding."  Fortunately, there's plenty of ways to save money on weddings, if you're dollar-conscious.

The Wedding Dress - A wedding dress can cost as much as $5,000, but if you're willing to economize, you can get a nice polyester blend, slightly irregular, for a couple of hundred.  As far as I'm concerned, that's still crazy.  Two hundred bucks for a dress you're going to wear, what?  Three, four times at most?  A terrycloth robe is white, comfortable, and practical.  Accessessorize with a belt, and you're ready to go.

Flowers - Typically flowers run $700 and the bride's bouquet alone can be as much as $150.  Are you kidding me?  It doesn't make sense paying for something that grows free in nature.  Why we've got flowers growing right in our own yard.  Nancy says they're dandelions, but I say, "Dandelions, shmandelions."  Did you know what becomes of all those flowers after a wedding or a funeral?  Would you believe most of them end up in the dumpster.?  I'd believe it although I'm not certain because I never checked.  So for your next wedding, instead of shelling out 700 clams basically dead plants, check out the dumpster behind the funeral home.

Music - A live band.  You don't want to know.  Even if you get a two-piece combo, with a spoon-player and an accordion, it's likely to set you back a couple K.  DJ's are cheaper not much; we're talking $150 an hour.  So what can you do to cut corners?  Two words.  Hank Williams.  One more word.  Senior.  Cause Hank Williams Jr is a phony.  Who doesn't like Hank, right?  Throw on some old Hank Williams records and put that money straight back in your pocket.

Photographer - Now this is the crazy part.  Back in the old days, a photographer at least had to run down to the drugstore to get the pictures developed, so it made sense to pay him seventy-five, even as much as eighty dollars.  Now though, there's no film; it's all digital, ie, pretty much free, but photographers charge - I hope you're sitting down - fifteen hundred all the way up to ten thousand.  For what?  Am I right, or am I right?  You're probably saying, "Screw, that.  I got a cell phone, I'll just take the pictures myself."  But think about it.  What are photographs for, memories right?  So just tell everyone there, pay real close attention.  Save yourself hassle and money.

Wedding Cake - Average cost.  $543.  What's really hilarious is when's the last time you heard someone saying, "Boy, I sure have a hankering for some wedding cake right now."  You can get a box of Duncan Hines cake mix for under six dollars, and that's the moist deluxe.  But I know you don't want to be fooling around making a cake on your special day, so just swing through the Krispee Kreme and pick up a couple of dozen on the way to church.  Have them throw in a few jelly-filled while they're at it.  It's a special day, after all.

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