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Saturday, February 23, 2013

The Gospel According to O'Reilly

Fox News personality Bill O'Reilly has announced that Killing Jesus: A History will be his follow-up book to the NYT Bestsellers Killing Lincoln and Killing Kennedy.“Jesus Christ has not walked among us physically for more than two thousand years, yet his presence today is felt the world over and his spirit is worshipped by more than 2.2 billion people,” said O’Reilly. “His teachings, his legacy, his life as a flesh-and-blood man, and his death created the world in which we live.” - Huffington Post

And Jesus spake unto them and saith, "Blessed are you who are poor for no one wants to look you in the eye and tell you you're irresponsible and lazy, and who's gonna do that?  Because that's what poverty is.  You can succeed if you get educated and work hard.  Period.  Period."

Two sinners were brought before him, taken in fornication, and the Pharisees said to Jesus, "Rabbi, these people were taken in adultery.  In the law Moses commanded us to stone such people, what shall we do."  And Jesus spoke unto the adulterers, saying, "This is my advice to all you homosexuals, whether you're in the Boyscouts, the army, or high school.  Shut up, don't tell anybody what you do, and your life will be a lot easier."

So the soldiers took charge of Jesus.  Carrying his cross, they took him to the Place of the Skull, called Golgotha, and there they crucified him.  And Jesus hung upon the cross and said, "Lotsa people want to hurt me.  That's the price you pay for having a big mouth."

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