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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Hoffa Offed

While some official law enforcement agents sneer at Tony Zerilli's claim to know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried, the alleged Mafia insider continues to supply a stream of new details, shocking in their eerie specificity as this transcript reveals:

"I told youse already dey buried dis guy, dis Jimmy Hoffa guy, in a shallow grave.  Dat's de way dey, dese mobsters, wiseguys we calls em, dat's de way dey do it.  Shallow grave.  It's like a tradition.  So if you find someone buried in a deep grave, it ain't Hoffa.  I don't know who it is, but it ain't Hoffa.  So anyway, after dey whacked Hoffa, dat's what we call it when we kill somebody, whacked, so after Hoffa was whacked, naturally what dey do is go around looking for a likely spot for a shallow grave.  Usually dat means dirt.  Not a lot of dirt, cause it's a shallow grave, like I said, but it's got to be enough or it ain't really a grave at all.  I don't know what you'd call it, but it ain't a grave.  When they go to bury Hoffa, da first ting dey need is somethin to bury him wit.  Opinions differ on dis, but most wiseguys like to use a shovel.  My dad, he always liked to use a Amco S81-FG round point.  Nonsparking, nonmagnetic, good balance.  Perfect for shallow grave-digging.  Sometimes, dese wiseguys, if dey figure someone's on dere trail, dey'll get coy.  Clever, see?  Dey whack a whole nother guy, trow him in de hole where dey were gonna put Hoffa.  Trow people off track.  So dey dig him up, these police or FBI or whatever, dey dig him up, and dey say, 'Hey, dis ain't Hoffa!  It's some whole udder guy.'  Den dey gotta start all over.  Dey hate dat.  So de real Hoffa, dey bury him somewhere else.  Somewhere nobody gonna tink of lookin.  Dey lookin for a shallow grave, so we bury him in a medium size grave.  Maybe even in a deep grave.  Dat's de way dey work."

Following these remarks, Zerilli hinted he also had some fascinating secrets about the Pope's religious preference and the defecatory habits of bears.

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