I Heart Indies

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Ask Tommy Lee Jones

Dear Mr. Jones,
My neighbors have a beautiful Golden Retriever named Sally.  She's a wonderful dog, but she barks constantly.  Not just during the day, but all hours of the night.  It really is getting irritating, what should I do?
Kept Awake in Michigan

Dear Kept Awake,
You know what irritates me?  Letters from dipwads like you.  Why the hell did you have to tell me the dog's name is Sally?  Now I'm going to stay up all night wondering what sort of people would give a dog a fool name like that.  Now leave me alone.
Tommy Lee

Dear Tommy Lee,
My friends at work are always telling jokes, which is great because some of them are really funny, the only problem is, I don't know any.  Whenever I see a joke on the internet or somewhere, it always turns out they've already heard it.  I'm starting to feel left out.  Do you where I can get some funny jokes?
Jokeless in Hoboken

Dear Jokeless,
Here's a funny joke.  Your face.  Now leave me alone.
Tommy Lee

Dear Tommy Lee,
Lately when I start my car up on cold mornings it goes, "whirrr, whirrr, whirrr," and takes forever to get cranked unless I release the handbrake and jiggle the steering wheel.  It starts up fine on warm mornings, it's just if the temperature's 40 or below.  Also, I don't have any trouble if I park on a hill.  I've taken it to my mechanic, but it won't make the noise for him, and he say's he's stumped.  Any ideas?
Car Trouble in Macon

Dear Car Trouble,
Yeah, I got an idea.  Get in the car and see if you hear a noise like, "whine, whine, whine."  If you do, it means you need to shut your fat yap.  Now leave me alone.
Tommy Lee

No comments:

Post a Comment