I Heart Indies

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Other TV Stars on Hard Times

"A lot of troubled television stars, both past and present are making headlines lately... Former Nickelodeon kids all grown up (and breaking bad), Fox sitcom stars getting old before their times -- even homicides. We've got eight of the biggest, and saddest, headline-makers right here."  Sarah D. Bunting, Yahoo! TV

Phillipe St Croix LePieux, known to his fans as the amorous skunk, Pepe Le Pew, faces deportation proceedings from the INS for sex crimes, stalking, and public nuisance.  LePieux has offered to submit himself to therapy for his morbid attraction to cats rather than return to Paris where he has outstanding warrants for unlawful impersonation of Maurice Chevalier.

Elmer Fudd, suffering withdrawal from Minoxidrate, a prescription medication that purportedly allows one to pronounce the letter "r," gained entrance into a children's petting zoo with a fully-loaded AK-47, and fired one hundred fifty rounds at point-blank range into a pen, shouting maniacally, "Kill da wabbits!  Kill da wabbits!"  He missed.

Daniel "Daffy" Duck is recuperating from multiple broken bones and lacerations after unwittingly provoking a bar fight, when he asked a motorcycle gang member with a history of anger-management issues, "Excuse me, sir, please pass that salver of slightly salted snacks."

Phineas "Foghorn" Leghorn outraged a Los Angeles audience during a stand-up routine when he began making racial slurs about dogs.  When an audience member of mixed Alsatian-Dalmation descent told Leghorn to "sit down and shad-ap," Leghorn responded that dogs are so stupid "they buy nonstick glue," adding that they are so ugly "they have to sneak up on the mirror."  The largely canine audience - it was the week of the National Kennel Club Convention - rioted.  Leghorn has not yet responded to demands he make a public apology on Letterman.

1 comment:

  1. Just one man's opinion here, so Caveat Emptor...but I think that Elmer Fudd should receive special consideration for his long-time work in helping introduce kids to the music of Rossini. And I thought Pepe Le Pew was playing "Howard Wolowitz" on "The Big Bang Theory"?