Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Another Curse of My Existence
"On Friday, the all-male Iowa Supreme Court ruled that employers can give employees their walking papers if they believe there is an irresistible attraction" -
"Man, could you step into my office for a few moments."
"Yes, what is it?"
"It's about your continued employment here."
"What about it?"
"You're not going to make this any easier, are you? OK, I'll just come out with it. We're giving you your walking papers."
"Now don't lose your cool."
"But I've been named employee of the month thirteen months in a row. I've got commendations for tidiest work space."
"It's not because of your work. Your work is fine. The problem is... you're just too darned attractive."
"That's right. Frankly, you're irresistible. That's why we can't keep you here anymore."
"You can't do this to me."
"Please don't look at me with those big green eyes of yours, this is hard enough. In fact, here, do you mind putting this on?"
"What is it?"
"It's a Groucho mask. That why I can fire you without being distracted by your dazzling good looks."
"Oh, brother." (Puts on mask.)
"The fact is, Man, your good looks are threatening the whole company. Customers come in the lobby and won't leave, hoping to catch a sight of you. Grown men are questioning their sexuality because they find you so irresistibly attractive. Your presence here is ruining marriages. Sally..."
"Sally isn't married."
"But one day she might be, and she's afraid when she is, all she'll be able to think about is you. Her marriage will be ruined."
"I can't believe this is happening. Fired because I'm so good looking. Curse you, DNA!" (Shakes fist at ceiling.)
"What will you do, Man?"
"I'll have to find a job, somewhere no one will ever have to look upon my face, somewhere the world will be safe from my devastating good looks."
"Have you considered blogging?"