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Sunday, November 25, 2012

Scientists Discover a New Smell

Smell Scientists as the Los Alamos Laboratory, New Mexico
I read on the internet that scientists have discovered a new smell.  I know this must be true, because, hey, I read it on the internet.  I really had no idea scientists did this sort of thing, discovering smells.  We discover smells around my house all the time, but I'm never getting a Nobel Prize or anything.  Nancy will be like, "Good Lord, what's that smell?"  And I just say, "Sorry."  Next time, I'll say, "Research."

Scientists describe this new smell as "olfactory white noise."  I am not making this up.  I can only hope they're not getting government money for this.  Some of my own more intriguing olfactory discoveries are also associated with noises, but none of these could be described as "white noise."  Nancy sometimes complains about the noise, too, but I don't see why.  The noise is Nature's way of saying, "Watch out!  Smell coming!"

It's very odd to describe a smell as "white noise."  Think about it; they're comparing a smell to a noise, and they're comparing a noise to a color.  Calling a smell a "white noise," doesn't give you any idea what the smell would be like, and frankly, I'm not convinced they've found a smell at all.  I think they're making it up.  Probably jealous because I come up with new smells all the time without really trying.  "You smell that smell, that doesn't smell like anything really, just kind of a background smell, that you can't really smell it at all, kind of like a background noise you don't really hear it at all.  Well, that's a brand-new smell.  We just discovered it."   You're not fooling anybody but yourself, Mister Scientist!  Olfactory white noise, my eye!  When my smells make a noise, you know exactly what they'll smell like.  Well, actually, you don't know exactly how it will smell, but you know you don't want to stick around and find out.

Now that's science.

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