|The candidate in a heart-warming photo|
with his wife and dog
Briefly then, here is my platform.
Deficit Spending is building up an enormous national debt that our grandchildren will have to pay for. Thank goodness! I thought we would have to pay for it! I don't even have grandchildren. Ha-ha. So as far as I'm concerned, on the spending front, full steam ahead! Free boob jobs and liposuction for everybody!
Our so-called foreign policy has gotten us into glutinous messes with hostile nations like Iraq and Afghanistan. It is clearly short-sighted to invade hostile countries when invading friendly countries would have been so much easier and more lucrative. Why don't we invade Canada, for crying out loud? They're just sitting there! Or Monaco? Invading Monaco would require a troop surge of... well... one.
Global Warming. Global Warming Schmobal Schmarming. If the earth is getting hotter just crank up the AC full blast and leave all the windows open. Problem solved.
I figure 49% of the American people are booger-eaters. It's true. 49% of Americans regularly pick their own boogers and eat them. They think we don't know. These people will never vote for me, but I frankly, I don't want them to. So if you vote for one of the other guys, you're basically admitting you eat boogers.
Think about it.