I Heart Indies

Monday, November 12, 2012

My Career So Far

Stating he had "exercised extremely poor judgement," General Petraeus resigned as the Director of the CIA after an investigation revealed an extramarital affair.
- News Reports

Man Martin
Resume

1972 - Head Acolyte at St Josephs Episcopal Church.  Showed extremely poor judgement anchovies for the first time at a pizza restaurant Saturday night.  Sunday morning threw up on priest.  I resigned.

Circa 1975
Honestly, I don't know
what I was thinking
1975 - Alderman of Baldwin High Student Government.  Resigned after it came to light I had bought and worn multicolored bell-bottom corduroys, extremely poor judgement on my part.

1980 - Undersecretary for Tropes and Metaphors in the Georgia College Literary Society.  Resigned because of poor judgement.  I'd gotten my hair permed into an afro.  Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking.

1984 - Co-Chair of the Fledgling Right-Wing Liberal Party.  Farted loudly during "moment of silent prayer" at first fund-raiser.  Poor judgement.  Resigned.

1992 - Delegate for Cynthia Drive at Ashford Park Neighborhood Association.  After publicly apologizing to my wife and family for the pain my poor judgement had caused them, I resigned when it came to light that I had left a "doggy bag" of left-overs from an Ethiopian Restaurant in my car overnight.

2001 - Asked by the Illuminati to resign my position as Special Liason to the Tri-Lateral Commision for showing extremely poor judgement.  Poured "just a little" gasoline on a leaf fire to "get it going."

2012 - Arabia Mountain High School 10th Grade Leadership Committee Chair.  Poor judgement.  Resigned.  "Skinny jeans."  Don't ask.

1 comment:

  1. I do think the great "Pig Roast" is worthy of mention here...although (to be fair) it has been the topic of earlier blog posts.

    ReplyDelete