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Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Falling Leaves, Etc, Etc

Ah, Autumn and the leaves are falling.  I can sit and watch them fall for hours, drifting from the trees in swirling spirals.  It fills me with peace and contentment.

We have a yard man.

Of course, don't be fooled, little children; it may look like Mother Nature's goofing off, but really she's hard at work.  That's the way it is with Mother Nature, never off the clock even for a second.  It turns out that Fall, with all its beautiful panoply of colors blah blah blah is really just Nature's way of looking our for the trees.  When winter comes, they don't want to be wasting all that yummy nitrogen on a bunch of useless foliage, so they suck it back out of the leaves - slurrp! - which turn red, gold, and orange, and down they come.  Fascinating, isn't it?

Well, it is fascinating, if you'd sit up and pay attention for a change.

Anyway, this process goes on all the time, even with humans, did you know that?  For example, when a human child no longer needs its baby teeth, out they fall.  This is a sign they're ready to start paying grown-up dental insurance.  Sometime in your thirties, your hair will start to fall out.  Ha-ha, it's nothing to worry about!  It's just Nature's way of ensuring females find you physically repulsive so they don't make the mistake of mating with a dried-up old husk like you.  Think of it as Nature's expiration date; you may still be on the shelf, but nobody's taking you home anymore!

When your first child is born, your wallet will fall out of your pants.  Won't need that pesky old disposable income anymore.  Somewhere in this same time period, your socks will fall down and your taste-buds will start to fall out.  No one knows why this is part of Nature's plan, but you'll know it's happened when you start putting hot sauce in oatmeal.

Your hopes and dreams start to fall out, and then your memories.  Or maybe it's the other way around.  I forget.

Last of all, your whole self falls out.  That's right.  Grown-ups call it death, and it might sound pretty creepy, but it happens to everybody so you better get used to the idea.

And while you're at it, tuck in your shirt.  Your pants are falling down again.

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