I Heart Indies

Thursday, October 11, 2012

My Science Project

For my science project this year, I have recreated a life-size model of the actual living environment of the American male.

For this project I needed a comfortable green chair, several books, gym socks, raisins, popcorn, a coffee-cup, a footstool, various cords and chargers.  These have been arranged in a careful simulation of the actual environment.  I have carefully painted simulated coffee spills on the upholstery and scattered popcorn and raisins in the cushions and under the chair.  Originally, I planned to scatter grapes and let them turn into raisins, but time did not permit.  The chargers for cellphones, lap tops, Ipods and electronic devices required a twelve-outlet box.  You will notice that many of the chargers are for unidentified devices and devices that indeed no longer exists.  This is deliberate on my part and adds to the realism.

I modeled the American male out of 200 pounds of flesh-colored Play-Doh.  I required fifty pounds to model his fat ass alone.  You will notice that the model is completely motionless.  This again is intentional and adds to the realism.  I dressed the Play-Doh model in swim trunks, a stained tee-shirt, and white tube socks. He is posed as if typing on the computer while watching TV.  This ensures he will neither get any productive work done nor understand what he is watching.

Behind him is a poster explaining the habits of the American male.  Over the course of a year, a typical American male will eat fifty pounds of cookies and cakes, one hundred pounds of refined sugar, fifty-five pounds of fat and oil, three hundred containers of soda, twenty gallons of ice cream, five pounds of potato chips, and two pounds of candy.  He will watch one thousand, seven hundred, ninety hours of television.  In the course of a year, he will spend about as much time exercising as he spends on Facebook.  If he is like one in four Americans, he will not read a single book this year.

He is made of Play-Doh and sits in a chair in front of the TV unmoving.

I think I deserve an A+.

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