I Heart Indies

Friday, August 17, 2012

The Loch Ness Monster: Proof at Last!

For years you skeptics have pooh-poohed the very idea of the Loch Ness Monster.  ("Pooh-pooh," you skeptics pooh-poohed, "Loch Ness Monster!  The very idea!")  You thought there was no more truth to the legend than the Abominable Snowman or Body Thetans.  But I bet you're just eating your hearts out now that there's CONCLUSIVE proof that the Loch Ness Monster, or Nessie as her fans call her, or just plain Ness or N as her close personal friends and family do - really exists.  A Scottish captain, George Edwards, has taken the best picture to date of the monster, showing beyond a shadow of a doubt a lump or possibly a bump in water that might very well be Loch Ness.
Legends of the monster go back 1400 years or more when Saint Columba, called Cauloughrrr in Galeic, (His gangsta name was Co-Daddy) visited the region and was told of a   river monster that ate anyone who tried to swim across.  The saint gave the monster a good talking to, explaining it wasn't nice to eat people.  Seeing the error of his ways, the creature reformed and has been vegetarian ever since, as far as anyone can tell.  The pagans were so impressed by this miracle they immediately converted to Christianity and forswore all their heathen practices of worship except golf, which is still devoutly practiced every Sunday in many parts of the world.
Nevertheless, in spite of this compelling historical corroboration, the scientific community scoffed, but they can scoff no more.
Edwards took this remarkable picture in November, but withheld the information because he was going through a difficult personal patch, which is perfectly understandable.  World-changing discoveries are often withheld for just such reasons - Newton did not publish the Principia for years because he kept getting sick headaches, and Einstein put off publishing his special theory on account of an extended losing streak at the track.  I myself have several shocking photographs of my own abduction by aliens, but can't bear to share them until certain very personal memories have had a chance to fade.
Don't even ask me about it.  Like I said, it's personal.

No comments:

Post a Comment