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Sunday, July 1, 2012

Awaiting the McDonald's Implosion

Everybody run!
Hamburger clown's got a gun!
Remember folks, you heard it here first: McDonald's is preparing to implode.
Recently they hired high-fashion designer Wayne Hemingway to do a make-over on their uniforms, make them more "European."  This is just one of the warning signs of the coming McDonald's implosion, which I call, The Mcdonocalypse.
Okay, so the name needs work.
Nevertheless I stand by my prediction that within a short while the land will be dotted with smoking craters where McDonald's franchises once stood.
Consider this passage from the prophesies of Nostradamus:

And the hand of a Scotsman will reach far over the land,
And his avatar shall be a Foole,
And he shall make great wealth,
And billions shall be served,
But as soon as he starts introducing capuchino,
It is over.

Vague, yes, but a tantalizing hint. Could McDonald's collapse have been foreseen two thousand years ago?  Consider this passage from the Book of Revelation:

 ...And I turned to see the voice that spake with me.
And being turned, I saw two golden arches;
And the food was bland, and the calf they served with the milk of its mother, and everyone ate therein and was made glad,
But lo, they came out with McRib which was an abomination in the sight of the Lord,
And people whispered one to another, are they kidding?

If you still don't believe consider this newly translated portion of the Mayan prophesies:
The Earth by the north will wake up and by the west, itzá will wake up, and when he goes to the drive thru he will see they have oatmeal for sale, with blueberries therein, and he will say unto himself, what the hell, why can't they stick to what they do best?  High-fat, high-sodium processed food that leaves a grease mark on the bag? 
I rest my case.

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