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Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Going With

At my school a lot of people have started using "may" in the most bizarre way imaginable; when they make a request, instead of "Will you..." or ""Would you..." they'll say "May you..." as if they wanted to know if I had permission.  I think they got it in their heads that "may" is a more polite word and so throw it in as a sweetener like artificial dessert topping on meatloaf.  Many of these same people in another context drop F-Bombs until the conversation is a leveled and lifeless field fit only for cockroaches.
Just when I thought "may you" was the most nerve-jarring abomination to offend my ears, someone came out with "go with," as in "I'm going to get some beer.  You want to go with?"  Unlike "may you," "go with" is used by the sort of people who ought to know better, the same group who used the maddening construction, "waiting on line."  If you're one of these people, I apologize, but it really drives me berzerk.  What the hell do you think you're saving by making people's heads twitch waiting for an object after the preposition?  Like a lot of seemingly minor phrases, "go with" carries a large suitcase of unspoken meaning, "I'm too hip and casual to bother with unneccessary pronouns because my intention was clear the moment I reached 'with;' heck, I didn't even notice there was supposed to be a 'me' in there, but if it'll make you more comfortable, I'll insert a 'me' for you, if you're really that big a square, but wouldn't you really just rather hang out with a trend-setter like me who leaves out pronouns in such cool way and go with?"
I've been formulating a response for the next time someone springs a "go with" on me.  Here's what I have so far:

"Want to go with?"
"No, I'd rather stay at."

"Want to go with?"
"Yes!  Oh, wait.  You mean with you.  I was hoping you were talking about some other people."

"Want to go with?"
"Eat a large bowl of upchuck, you trend-sucking jackanapes!"

But I can't decide which one I like best.  Can you?

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