I have been in periodic correspondence with a Ms Vanie Oscar of the Contonou Benin Republic regarding eighteen million (18,000,000) dollars US that she wishes to hand over to me in order to disburse to various charities of my choosing (retaining for myself a modest 15% fee for my efforts). After some initial misunderstandings, I think she and I have reached an accord, and I'm well on my way to closing the deal. Here's her latest message and my reply.
I received your message and i did not really understand your reply and you have nothing to lose than to receive this fund and let the WILL of God be done through you and your families because what is the benefit of a man that gain the whole world and lose the Kingdom of God?
If you can travel down here in person to come and receive this fund there is no problem and my lawyer will send you all necessary documents to obtain a visa in your country or if you can travel to United Kingdom, Holland, Belgium, Spain or France to receive this fund in person,there is no problem and i would like to hear from you soon.
Mrs Vanie R Oscar
Thank you for your letter. Are you still feeling poorly? Do you still have eighteen million (18,000,000) dollars US? (Please feel free to answer the second question first.)
I'm sorry you didn't understand my previous email, but I'm glad to say your communications are becoming increasingly lucid. I flatter myself that my little grammar tutorials are partly responsible for this. Your last letter is clarity itself, although I continue to be puzzled by your use of the lower-case /i/ for the first-person pronoun. Obviously the shift key on your computer is functioning normally because you have no difficulty capitalizaing proper nouns such as Belgium, and can even use all caps to write "WILL" in the phrase "WILL of God." By the way, there is something strangely terrifying about seeing this expression typed out this way. I can't explain why.
I think the best plan is to have your lawyer meet me in one of the countries you list in your letter. My preference is the United Kingdom because they talk almost like we do, which makes things a great deal easier. By the way, does the United Kingdom include Canada? I was never entirely straight on this point, but if it does, this really will be a snap. I'll just drive North on I85, stop at the first McDonalds I come to once I cross the border, and wait for your lawyer. I'll bring a large empty suitcase for the money.
If Canada isn't part of the United Kingdom, and the more I think about it, the more I'm sure it isn't, we can meet in London. My wife and I visited there once, and while I can't remember where we stayed, there was a wonderful little pub across the street where they sold curry. I'm sure if your lawyer went and asked around for a pub that sold curry, he'd have no difficulty finding the spot. I think there was a man there named Kevin if that's any help.
Or, even easier, we could meet in France. There's this thing in Paris called the Eiffel Tower, maybe you've heard of it (ha-ha). I saw a movie once where a hand-off of diamonds or microfilm or something took place there, and I've always wanted to give it a try myself. We will want to appear inconspicuous of course, but still be recognizable to each other. For example, I could wear a red carnation. Your lawyer could wear a blue beret or bring a parrot. If your lawyer doesn't like parrots, he could just wear the beret.
So let me know which your lawyer prefers, London or Paris (or Canada - that would be perfect!) and we will set up our meeting. Also, how large of a suitcase do I need for eighteen million (18,000,000) dollars US, or is that something the lawyer will provide?
Looking forward to finalizing these last details,
By the way - The New York Post has included Paradise Dogs on its list of "Required Reading!" Here's the link -